(Warning: This post may get a little prickly-personal, and I apologize. Sometimes it's easier to see your thoughts when they're in front of you, not inside of you.)
The gutsiest thing I did today was decide not to run away from life as I currently know it.
I was sorely tempted to change my name and move to another state, today, or even another country. And it's not because life is awful here in Seattle, but because life is good. Is that backwards? I think it might be, but I don't care.
Admittedly, I have a good life. Loving family, education, exclusive use of a car, a job I enjoy, hobbies that I love, friends I can invest time into. But more and more often I find myself wondering...is it possible to change the course of what you expect for yourself? Sure, it makes perfect sense for me to finish my Associates degree, get a career, meet a nice Seattle man who likes my hobbity ways and settle down, have kids, etc. I know life is never that simple, but in my mind's eye that's the path in front of me.
And...I'm not sure I want that.
I've thought about so many scenarios for my life it's not even funny, and not until today--walking the gathering dark in the little town where I've lived for seven years--did I actually start entertaining them as serious ideas. After all, I believe that my life belongs ultimately to God, but that He has given me paths to choose and choose them I do. The only wrong choice is not to give Him all glory as I travel the pathways.
So here I am, with a list before me, ready to plunge into the next stage and perhaps take an even gutsier leap than I thought. Will it happen tomorrow? Probably not. Money is more of an issue than it ought to be, and such is life. Besides, it would be nice to have my Associates in hand as a culmination of years of education. But will I still be sitting here in this little house in this small town a year from now? I don't know, but somehow I don't think so. I hope not.
Does this make for a very satisfying blog post? No, most likely not. But it needed to be said.
Here's hoping for more gutsiness on a grander scale in the future...not just new alcoholic beverages, writing techniques, or restaurants, but something ultimately more satisfying.
Until then, I need to figure out how to knit these stupid eyelets so they don't poof.