The Lotto Man Cometh.

My, my. What a world, what a life.

This has been a crazy, crazy weekend. Between the storm front outside and the hurricane INSIDE, I haven't quite known what to do with myself.

I said in my last blog post something about cleaning my room. And I made all sorts of quips about how it would be a bloody fight, and blah blah blah.

Let me make this clear: I was kidding. Joking. Making jest.

But it has been no joke, this room cleaning business.

For serious, I took almost everything out of my room, moved furniture around, pitched stuff I didn't want anymore, vacuumed the heck out of whatever was left, threw dust in the air, organized my bookshelf, found space for my great-great-grandma's rocking chair, took my desk apart, cocked my bed perpendicular to the window, took everything off of my walls, gave my record player its own surface, gave myself a nightstand for the first time ever, and finally removed every trace of my color-scheme from eight years ago (including a dark green area rug and a dark green bedskirt that had been clinging to this room for FAR too long).

And then...today...oh, today.

I bought stuff. Two new lamps, a new rug, a wicker hamper (for the end of my bed), a new bedskirt, and a new doormat. Holy cow, I'm on a roll, and my room looks brand new! Very exciting. Especially if you're me.

So I'm sitting in the newly-feng-shui'd-wreckage and surveying my castle and thinking lovely thoughts.

It's funny how a new space can give you a new feeling about, well, everything. Like I'm starting over, in some way. Feels almost like a new me. But it's not. It's the old me with a cooler room.

Oh, and did I mention I'm full of Guinness stew? Shoot, what a great way to end the weekend.

Hope everyone else is as contented as I am at this moment. Please say that you are. I care about you. All of you, whoever you are. :)

Love to you and yours,
-The GLS

Miss Clean Jeans.

Funny, isn't it? We have these ideas for how we want life to look, and it doesn't pan out the way you planned.

Actually I'm not being sweeping and profound, here. I'm talking very specifically about the appalling state my bedroom/bathroom is in.

Really, it's awful.

And I ought to know better. How old am I...22, now? Yes, 22. I really ought to have more gratitude for what I've been given, and be more inclined toward organization, and blah blah blah...

But really, I don't think my awfully messy room has anything really to do with a lack of gratitude for what I have. I think I just have WAY TOO MUCH STUFF.

So tomorrow? Oh, tomorrow. Tomorrow is Saturday. A Saturday with nothing but family plans to look forward to, later in the day. Which means...what?

It means, the battle begins tomorrow. The war, if you will. The crusade against the terrible state my room is in.

If I don't return by Monday...this means the room has won, and you will find me buried under a pile of shoes, tinwhistles, and miscellaneous papers including bank statements and artwork from four-year-old Picassos.

Gird yourself.

-The GLS

Fancy Dance, Cranky Pants.

Ahh, Moby.

Tonight's dinner provided by QFC, and I feel very fancy and continental just saying it: a juicy Fuji apple, a half of a mini-baguette, and a small wedge of delightfully buttery brie. I feel French or something. C'est bon!

To be honest, today didn't start out good.

Wait, I'll rephrase: This WEEK didn't start out good.

I started it in a funk. A restless, unhappy funk. I felt all squirmy, like one of my daycare kids during naptime when they have to lie still for two hours in the dark. And I was grumpy. And I did a lot of yelling, mainly at work, though a lot of the loudest yelling was actually in my own head.

But today? Today I knew I had a choice to make. I had squirmed and wiggled and made a general crank of myself for two full days, and it was time to make a decision: is this the way I'm going to freeze myself to be for the rest of the week, or am I going to get over it and stop being a jerk to myself and everyone else?

Welcome back home, Forced Attitude Adjustment. I missed you.

Where is it written that life has to pan out exactly the way I want it to? Who ever said things would be easy? Who died and made me empress of the known world?

No, things are still not the way I want them to be. No, my life isn't picture-perfect. No, I'm not Miss Ever-Happy-Ever-Smiling-Ever-Bright, and I'm not even on the list to be empress of the known world.

But my life is pretty damn good. And my attitude need not reflect the few icky things that have decided to rear their ugly heads. I'm better than that, and I know it.

Now I just gotta show it.

Sheepishly yours,
-The GLS

Glowing Battle-Axes.

Apologies for my absence. I spent the weekend in the arms of my crazy and wonderful family, 2 hours south of home, celebrating my aunt and uncle's 50th wedding anniversary. Which is, you know, an extremely big deal. 50 years is a wonderfully long time.

Movies were quoted, wine was consumed, and graniteware was purchased. It was an epic gathering of black dresses and spray-painted shoes. Except on the guys. My uncle wore a gold caftan, though. (Okay, so I bought the graniteware on the way home...but still, it happened. And so did the caftan.)

They're a smart bunch, my crazy family. Passionate and educated and hilarious to boot. And I love them for all their craziness, and I'm proud to discover that I'm becoming a bit like them all.

With one notable exception, which is that I have to my name only a 2-year transfer degree from community college.

Which doesn't necessarily mean anything bad. I like my silly little degree. I'm fairly proud that I even got it. I'm happy to have a diploma.

But there's a yearning. A stirring. A part of me that still wants to transfer and get a BA, even though money is a major issue.

Thanks to my aunt and uncle--who were both college professors for years--and my cousins--who are very persuasive--I've made a promise to go back to school and finish.

Shoot.

Promises are tough. Because even if they don't hold me to it, I HAVE to do it, because I promised, and it's more important to me to keep a promise than be lazy and comfortable.

*gulp*

Yeah, money is still an issue. And yeah, this will mean a lot of shifting and moving. And yeah, I was kinda happy not being in school this year. But I think I've decided that having a passion and moving toward it is more important than all of that. Money will come. Nothing is insurmountable. I'll get there.

I think.

-The GLS

Nobody Said It Was Easy.

The answer to the question, "Was it something I said?" is "Yes."

Multiple times.

I'm sorry. I'll work on it.

-The GLS

Mary First, Martha Second.

Wow, there's just so much PARADIGM SHIFTING going on around here!

It's crazy.

For one thing, I need to clean my room. And that isn't a paradigm shift per se, but it kind of is, because I tend not to understand the importance of proper resource usage and allocation (TOTALLY my mom's phrase).

Second, I need to stop treating my body like a bottomless pit and just EAT RIGHT already. It's getting ridiculous. Next time I blog about snacking or update a Facebook status including any key words like "cookies" or "chips", please feel free to virtually smack me. Or literally smack me, if we are blessed enough to live in such proximity to one another. I think my problem is that I'm not very disciplined. And discipline is important. And I think I've blogged about this before...

Okay, the real point is this:

There are a million things I want to be and do. Well, maybe not a million. But an important few. And they all involve having a few things squared away before I embark upon them. And they're all fairly internal and personal in nature, so I won't expound on them here. But it sucks knowing exactly what's necessary to be rid of, and not being able to rid myself of those things. Laziness, and blame-shifting, and flakiness.

I like a lot of things about myself, spontaneity and eccentricity included. But there are...side effects to those things. Side effects that don't help. They hinder. They drag me down. They cause me to sit in front of the computer and hit "refresh" on Facebook every ten minutes instead of doing something productive or WAY MORE FUN.

*sigh*

I know I'm not the weirdest, most mercurial person ever. But sometimes it feels like it.

Dear Lord, please give me the heart of Mary and the hands of Martha.

-The GLS

Holmes, I Presume.

So...this is odd.

I wanted to explain how good my cake was, and show the pics.

I also wanted to introduce you to one of my many birthday presents to myself. This one belongs in the kitchen.

I thought I might even show my new hat I made. It's cute.

But I can't, because Blogger doesn't recognize my newest imported photos. They're there in my computer, alright, but Blogger doesn't seem to notice them.

As my gutsy act for the day, I'm going to try and solve this ridiculous little mystery. And if you have any clues, please feel free to share.

-The GLS

A Word on The Word. Yo.

Scripture memorization is one of those funny things.

If you've never tried it, then just take my word for it.

One knows that it's important, and once one STARTS to memorize it comes fairly easily, but just the word MEMORIZATION sends people--meaning me--into a tailspin. Right back to high school drama, which I absolutely ADORED. I loved the being on stage, I loved the backstage craziness, I loved the people, I loved the long days and cramming homework into all of it. Rawr, good stuff.

The only catch? I didn't like to memorize.

It's not that I COULDN'T memorize, I just had a very stubborn streak that refused to see the fun in memorization. It was too much pressure and not enough action. It was boring. It was stuffy.

In any case, now that I'm trying to memorize bits of pieces of God's Word, I'm finding that I'm enjoying all of the same hang-ups and misgivings all over again. But this time, there's the extra added benefit of knowing that memorizing a play may be the biggest deal for a few weeks, but memorizing a scripture passage? Kind of a big deal forever.

So here goes. Without looking, Ephesians 6:10-13 (I need to memorize to 20 eventually, but we're taking baby steps, here) in the ESV:

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places."

*does a quick check against the wee little green ESV sitting nearby*

Whew! Pretty darn close. Verses 14-20, here we come!

Gutsy scripture memorization? We're blogging about gutsy scripture memorization?

Er, yeah. For now.

-The GLS

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!

Rawr. Seriously. I used to hate change, but I actually think I may be starting a reconciliation with it. I mean, this is the summer for change.

Granted, I still live in the same place, and work at the same job, and go to the same church, but the reality is that I'm making a lot of changes this summer that would make even Bowie proud (and that's SAYING something).

For instance, heading toward better health. Watching what I eat, and *gasp* counting calories? And not because I feel I have to, but because I WANT to. It's GOOD for me, and it actually adds to my enjoyment of food and friends because I'm not feeling so guilty about my eating habits anymore! Plus, getting more involved in physical exercise. Yoga, running around with the kids in the afternoons, taking the stairs instead of the elevator. That crazy stuff I used to avoid.

And tonight, I finally stepped through the door of a community group (for the uninitiated: kind of like a Bible study) for the first time in FIVE YEARS of attending Mars Hill. And it was FANTASTIC. I mean, better than that. A small group of awesome young women, all of them imperfect but hilarious and ready to discuss and dive in deeper, all of them ready to hear and discern the truth. Seriously, it was awesome.

The only downside? I have to admit that my parents have been right all along. This is difficult. I am stubborn. But I'll come around.

Honestly...it's time I learned to enjoy life and be a more well-rounded person, and what better time than summer?

Busy day. Full day. Fantastic day.

-The GLS

Eloise's Pink Bandana.

I love living where I live.

But I also love dreaming about the place I may live someday. And unsurprisingly, thanks to the events of the evening, I know I want to live in a place where there are regular gatherings of neighbors.

I'm not particularly picky about the TYPE of gathering. Block party, house concert (or carport concert!). Heck, I'd even take a barn raising. (In fact, how epic would that be?)

But tonight it was really fun to stop by the carport of a friend's apartment complex in the pouring rain and feast on homemade salads, salsas, honey ale, hummus, and fantastic desserts. Listen to acoustic music, play with the SWEETEST French bulldog I've ever met (named Eloise, no less), and enjoy good company and laughter. Staying out late in the gathering dark (and COLD) and just enjoying the atmosphere.

Yes, indeed. Wherever I end up living someday, there WILL be gatherings. Even if I have to organize them myself.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

-The GLS
PS: Yes, Eloise WAS wearing a pink bandana. Glad you asked.

This and That...

Musical Interlude: "Look At Miss Ohio" by Gillian Welch. Fantastic little tune. I love Gillian Welch's voice. She's folksy through and through. :)

Well, it was an interesting day.

It started out...kind of awful, in a good way? I had one of those conversations with my mom that define one of the reasons I love her: she's painfully honest with me, even when I don't feel like hearing it. She let me know some things that she had noticed about me and my moods lately, and she was right, but it didn't make hearing it any easier.

So I've spent a lot of time today thinking over ways that I could be proactive about improving my life/health/general well-being, but since they're pretty personal I won't share them in detail here. Suffice to say, I've got a lot to consider.

However, it was overall quite a good day, because I found out I got 98% on my freakin' Logic test! Maybe I can graduate after all...!

Also, I'll admit to flubbing on my no-Facebook week for a few precious moments this evening, but only because I wanted to see pictures of my dear friend Indefish's FIRST NEPHEW who was born today!! D'awww, he's so cute. I don't feel bad about flubbing at all, really.

Last night, as a result of my sudden burst of inspiration, I wrote two short stories! These would be my first completed short stories on my own steam (in other words, that weren't due for a grade). Granted, they sound very like Lord Dunsany, but you tend to write what you read, so...yeah. They're called "Mr. Factid's Vanity" and "The Woman Who Ate a Mudpie". Catchy, yeah? Hopefully there will be lots more where those came from.

As part of my new plans for improved well-being, I am going to bed a whole hour and a half earlier than I normally do.

Is anyone else excited for summer? Me, oh me!

-The GLS

And Now a Word From Our Sponsor, Mr. Spock...

Argument:

1. Either if Ann plays her ukulele, then Ben will dance; or if Carl plays his ukulele, then Doris will dance.

2. If Doris dances, then Ernie and Frank will laugh.

3. Ann will not play her ukulele.

4. Therefore, Ernie and Frank will laugh.

In TL:

1. (A > B) v (C > D)
2. D > (E & F)
3. ~A
4. C > D / E & F
--------------------
5. C > D (D.S. 1, 3)
6. E & F (M.P. 2, 5)

Since E & F is the conclusion, the argument is valid, according to the Disjunctive Syllogism and Modus Ponens rules.

........

The above was to prove to myself that I understand logical proofs, seeing as how Logic and I are touch-and-go as of late. If I don't pass this class I will cry large tears of torment. Not just because of losing the ability to graduate, but because I know I can pass this thing if I just apply myself and stop horsing around.

To that end, next week I'm taking a break from Facebook, among a few other computer-related things. It's a time-killer and often I spend a long time on it doing nothing. I would take a break from the Internet altogether, except that my Logic class is...online. Doy.

Obviously this blog will still get updated every evening. But I need to pull myself out of the muck of low grades and figure this stuff out. So there.

-The GLS

Fade Ins & Fade Outs

Apparently, I don't have enough things that I'm doing.

Sooo...

I'm entertaining the idea of joining Script Frenzy for the month of April. Why? Because it's been since high school that I finished a script, and I think it could be very fun. Besides, April is looking a little sad and empty.

I've spent the evening brainstorming ideas, and I think I may have a basic plot in mind. But I'm notoriously bad at outlining, so maybe I shouldn't overthink it. After it gets produced you can all say you knew me when (har har har).

100 pages in 30 days. Sounds like the sort of gutsy I'm in to.

Join me!

-The GLS

Green & More Green

I love St. Patrick's Day, and this one has been particularly busy. I'm about to head downstairs for a feast of epic proportions, enjoy a film, and study Algebra until bedtime for my final tomorrow. So I'm going to blog a bit early; hope no one minds.

St. Patrick's Day is my favorite day of the year. I know that sounds weird, in comparison with birthdays and Christmas and such. But it's the only day my love affair with Ireland is okay with everyone.

In the spirit of gutsiness, I'm going to start learning Irish words. Why? Because I have the means to do it (bookwise) and because it's a stupid idea. I don't know anyone who speaks it, it won't do me any good in the future, and I don't claim enough Irish blood to be justified in learning it.

That's exactly why I'm going to learn it.

Besides, it's something to do.

While I sit downstairs, stuffing my face with corned beef & cabbage, soda bread (homemade by me!), and cider, I will say Basta! and mean delicious.

Let the foray begin...

Slán agat!

-The GLS

Contests & Flurry

This blog post will be extremely brief, because I've just had the most remarkable story idea and I need to get cracking on it.

However! On the gutsy side of things, I've signed on to perform a piece of slam poetry out loud at a school poetry reading coming up. I'm a little nervous about it, but I knew that the fact I was nervous was the very reason to do it. The reading is going to be judged (though I don't think there are any real prizes or anything), as if it's a real slam poetry competition. Yikes.

Gutsiness is not for the faint of heart, it seems.

The reading is on March 1st. As the date draws closer, keep me in your thoughts. I don't usually read poetry out loud. Indeed, I don't usually write poetry in order for it to be read. But my teacher liked my poem, so at her behest (and mine, through this blog) I decided to go for it.

That's all, for now. I'm off to concoct the weirdest Western you ever heard of.

-The GLS

Disciplines & Hurricanes

What a day, what a day!

I spent most of the day with my good friend Indefish, eating good food (yay Red Twig!), perusing bookstores searching for Browning and his ilk, antiquing, and worshipping in the evening. A very fun, very wonderful day!

But my mind has been heavy, recently, on something which I wish didn't matter but turns out it does, and that's money.

Ah, money. Money and I have always had a fascinating relationship. My parents happen to be very, very good with money and have always tried to instill in me a responsibility with it, too. I always label myself "cheap" and "frugal" and shop at thrift stores and think I'm so good at handling money.

But the truth is that I stink with money. I am truly blessed to be working at the moment, but my paychecks tend to disappear into those thrift stores, coffeeshops, bookstores...anywhere there's something neat to bring home.

So when it started to become clear that my car--the car I learned to drive in and have been comfortably driving for a long time--was starting to become more trouble than it was worth, I started to panic. Saving up for a new (used) car seemed miles away.

Tonight, I received some information from my parents that put the idea of saving in a more reachable light, and I feel hope again that I won't go broke from saving!

Tonight, I wrote my very first realistic budget.

It's rudimentary, but it's designed to keep me from needlessly spending. It's designed to keep me accountable to myself, teaching me self-control. And with a lot of prayer, I know I can succeed.

Discipline is such a good thing that gets such a bad rep. In any part of life we KNOW that discipline is good for us, and yet we shy away from the very idea. As we embark on the Lenten season, my discipline for Lent is going to be managing my money responsibly. Because money, thus far, has drawn me further from the Lord than I would ever want to be. I convince myself that spending money will give me pleasure, and then I sink into the depths of guilt and anger when spending doesn't work. When it just makes me feel like a failure. And anytime I'm those pits of unhappiness, God is the furthest thing from my mind.

There are so money things I want to do with my life. I would like to travel some more, take more classes in things that interest me, maybe learn a few more instruments or a new language. And the unfortunate part is that money is required in all of those things. But I can build myself up to financial security. I know I can. I'm starting relatively young, and I know that being responsible with my money is an attainable goal.

I am giving the control of my money to the God whose timing is perfect, who knows what's best for me, and who is standing by to help me. It will take a lot of work on my part, but I know it will be so worth it to come out of this feeling comfortable with my finances and having a fair degree of self-control to my name.

I'm currently sitting in the glow of a little red kerosene lantern as I write this to you. It was $15 I spent at the antique store today. Perhaps the last $15 spent in a moment of impulsiveness, at least for a little while. But the glow is a nice, homey reminder of what I've decided to do.

-The GLS

PS: Kerosene stinks when it burns. But hurricane lamps are totally worth it.