(That sound up there in the title? Yeah, that's a train whistle. Go with it.)
Things I learned from Johnny Cash's "Orange Blossom Special" Album:
1) The Orange Blossom Special is the fastest train on the line. It will also bring your baby back and help you lose the New York blues, whilst you get some sand in your shoes.
2) If you happen to resemble a certain cold-blooded killer, try really hard NOT to be sleeping with your best friend's wife the night of the murder. Not a great alibi (not that you'll actually use it).
3) It ain't me you're looking for.
4) Crime don't pay. Just ask that guy in cellblock ten, where there's a lot of strange men.
5) It's not enough just to treat your man well. You gotta try REALLY hard not to waste his precious time. But don't think twice, it's alright.
6) Suicide by drowning sounds more poetic if you call it "becoming part of the flow"...but it's still drowning.
7) Before you choose to eskimo-hop with Red-Headed Lil at the Red Dog Saloon in Fairbanks, PLEASE make sure she doesn't have a jealous fiance sitting nearby. Seriously.
I don't know what inspired the previous bit of lunacy. It seemed important at the time.