Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Confession Of Gutsiness.

I just wrote a REALLY AWFUL song. Just now. I mean, really awful as in it will never see the light of day.

But it got me thinking...

I really don't dance very well.

And, that's honestly kinda by choice. I don't feel the need to take salsa/ballroom/swing lessons, or what-have-you. I know it's good exercise and that it's a cool way to meet people. But I really don't have the drive to do anything like that. It's not really imprinted in my brain the way it is for some people.

And I think it tends to disappoint.

This has happened to me very rarely, but whenever I get put into situations where I will potentially create a public display of rhythm (this phrase shamefully stolen from an episode of "Frasier"), I get really uncomfortable and fearful that people will be shocked by my uncoordinated, awkward self. It's not that I lack rhythm. It's that I lack physical imagination. And I really hope I never have to say that last sentence ever again, because I just made myself uncomfortable all over again...

I didn't go for freak-dancing in high school. I didn't take any classes. I don't go to clubs, and the last one I went to I was wearing big heavy rainboots because I didn't know we would be going there (and it was IRELAND for crying out loud!). The most dancing I usually do is spur-of-the-moment, or mostly-in-my-head. And in my head I look and feel FANTASTIC. But it doesn't translate outwardly.

This doesn't prevent me from dancing, when the situations are right. But it does prevent me from cutting loose. Fully giving in. Just letting the moment take me.

This is why the crux of my AWFUL song was a line that--admittedly--made me smile when I think of it, "The girl who tends to disappoint when she starts to dance". I think people expect me to be funkier and more of a dancing-eccentric than I really am.

That said...I'm not telling you this to get sympathy or suggestions. I'm telling you this because I consider it one of my gutsy failures.

Next time I go to a music festival, I'm kicking my shoes off more often and pulling the hairband outta my ponytail.

So let it be written...

-The GLS

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